Monday, August 24, 2009

sweet surrender

I made this little pendant with my etching pen on brass. It's kind of hard to see from the photo but in person the words are much more pronounced. It's on etsy now

The last few days have been lots of work but mostly the kind of work that contributes to helping pay bills (our piano tuning/restoration business) and not so much working in the studio. I've spent a few hours in there playing with metals. Tomorrow's post will be photos of those finished and on etsy. I've discovered the joys of the dapping block, the big metal set I got about two years ago but had been too intimidated to take the oily block and tools out of the sticky bag, wipe them all off, and use them. Now that I've jumped off the proverbial high dive, I'm sawing out circle after circle and dapping away into some funny shapes that aren't perfect but work with the piece anyway, and some that look much better, more perfect, although I'm trying hard to have more fun and not so much perfection because that only leads me to feel kinda rotten.

I sell books on amazon marketplace. It's some extra income, sometimes more than others, from books I find at yard sales, book sales, thrift shops and so on. A few weeks ago I found three rare Alice Starmore knitting books each for a buck a piece. I about fainted with joy. One in particular, I wanted to keep but put up for sale anyway. Well, I immediately sold the first two to a woman overseas for almost $300 (I told you they were rare). And just when I was bemoaning not going to Beadfest, I got up this past Saturday morning and found I sold the third and most expensive Alice Starmore book (Aran Knitting, for anyone who knows of it). And a dilemma ensued. I suddenly had an unexpected windfall to go to Beadfest on the cheap. Granted, the bag of beads bought with that money, after tolls and gas money, would probably fit in my change purse, but I was sooooo tempted to go anyway 'cause I'm feelin' sorry for myself, like I'm not having much fun these days. Thought about it a little while, decided I would feel better about myself, better about our household, if I stayed my ground and stayed home. And so I did. But, feelin' kind of rotten anyway, although I'm not sure it's really about the bead show, 'cause there's lots of those all the time.

Life is fraught with worry, full of stress. I guess it is for most people. I'm just trying to keep in the moment and concentrate on what I need to do to keep going, keep trying, and not look back so much.

This, a most favorite John Denver song of mine, has been playing in my head for weeks, and it sums up my feelings. Yes, I am a total square. I even saw him in concert twice, God rest his soul. Best concerts I ever saw.

Here are the lyrics...

Lost and alone on some forgotten highway
Travelled by many remembered by few
Lookin for something that I can believe in
Lookin for something that Id like to do with my life

Theres nothin behind me and nothin that ties me
To somethin that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more
Than enough to just be there today

And I dont know what the future is holdin in store
I dont know where Im goin, Im not sure where Ive been
Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the livin, I dont need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender
Live, live without care
Like a fish in the water
Like a bird in the air.....


SummersStudio said...

I really like the little bar pendant and the dream a little dream. That's what life's about. And if loving that John Denver song is really being square, then I'm being square with you. I love that song and the lyrics.

karengberger said...

Okay, well, how clever are YOU, to go to yard sales and find books to re-sell? I would NEVER have thought of that, but what fun! And profitable, too. You are very resourceful and creative.

I love some of J. Denver's songs, too, esp. "Perhaps Love," with Placido Domingo.

I'm sorry that this is a hard time. You have many fans out here. XO

TesoriTrovati said...

Congratulations on the awesome turning of a profit! That is great! You are such a gifted designer and artist. Remember that! And sometimes the place we want to be and the place we have to be aren't the same, but find the joy in the little things and you will see that it is not so bad. I know that when I feel sad that I can't go to a show as I would like, that a trip "shopping" in my own studio can perk me up...there are so many treasures I have bought and forgot about that it is almost like buying new! Hang in there Jennifer!
Enjoy the day!

Mary Newton Designs said...

I saw John Denver in concert, too! Corny, but true...

Christine Damm said...

John Denver's life and songs were about inspiration and unfortunately, some find that corny-- but more find it uplifting! So I'm in that boat! I find a lot of resonance with your words lately, Jennifer, so keep writing what's in your head and heart-- we want to hear it! Thank you!